Fiascos Rant

Despite Ocado seeming to give by far the most reliable home delivery service, they lose out slightly to some others when you could also do with medicines and newspapers etc. So having checked out the availability of deliveries, I plump for, well let's call them Fiascos shall we?

To be honest, the freezer and fridge aren't badly stocked, but I could do with some basics; bread to accompany the soup, milk to make porridge and some Ribena given I can only handle hot drinks.

So imagine my delight, when they fail to bring any bread. So I've just paid £4.99 for delivery and I'm going to have to go out anyway now. Great.

So I ring the customer services phone line and croak my complaint.

I'm told that apparently they were out of the particular type of bread I'd ordered.

Fine, so why wasn't it substituted with another type of loaf (let's face it their substitutions are usually quite 'broad', including irish stew as a replacement for a venison steak in this very order...)?

Well how would they know what type of bread to replace it with, is the defence?

Well number one you could take a guess, or hey, and here's a thought, you could read the substitution advice note that I specifically filled in for this very item saying any granary, seeded, wholemeal type loaf would do.

"Oh" is the rather inadequate response, "we won't charge you for the bread".

Really? Gee thanks! Stating again that I'm unhappy to have paid £4.99 delivery if they can't even manage bread, they offer to give me an 'e-voucher' for said amount.

"Exactly how likely do you think I am to want to order from you again in the near future, given this farce?" I enquire.

"Oh, well I could give you half the amount back as a refund".

I suggest that isn't acceptable, only to be told that they aren't able to give a full refund.

Tired of the game I suggest maybe it's time for me to speak to their manager.

"Oh alright, I'll give you a full delivery charge refund"

I rise above the temptation to point out that they've added lying to their list of shortcomings therefore and just croak thank you and hang-up.

Still at least they give vouchers to schools eh? ;-)



Of course the next delivery problem to be solved, is that in pursuit of a change at Book Group we decided to look to do a book with humour and maybe an autobiography. Putting the two together we settled on Peter Kay's Sound of Laughter. Aware it's still in hardback only, we did a quick trawl of t'internet and I offered to put in a mass order to get us the best deal. Accordingly, whilst I'm pissed off enough to not be able to make tonight's discussion of Nineteen Eighty-Four, I also have a box of books that need passing on.

Taking advice from a wise person whose brain is (unlike mine) still functioning well, I ring the nearest Book Group member and ask if there is any way they could collect. Happily the party in question has a day off work and can oblige. They enquire if they can do any shopping for me en route. "Well a loaf of bread would be wonderful..." I reply.

Accordingly, a little later, they turn up on my doorstep with a loaf and some flowers and after a short visit during which they are very lovely, take the books off my hands.

The party in question was Non-reader.

Here's hoping that humble pie is easy to swallow with a sore throat...