That old-style religous abuse

I don’t really do proper church any more. I find my church in different ways these days, conversations with friends, times of private reflection, going to the theology society talks, little pieces of ritual and remembering here and there, bits of Greenbelt through the year and once in a blue moon a trip to St Luke’s for safe community rooted Anglicanism at its best.

It’s been many a long year, sense I frequented to a more mainstream form of church, but part of me still misses the sense of belonging that came as part of the deal.

It was never a relationship destined to succeed though, I’ve always been too cynical, too questioning, too downright bolshy and problematic. I can remember as a teenager questioning in some small way, the attitude/behaviour of the ultra-controlling youth leaders and being told "L1z the problem with you is that you have a problem with ‘authority’".

I can remember thinking at the time: "no the ‘problem’ with me is that I don’t see that as being a problem".

But for all that, I sometimes miss the positives (and there were positives).

However should I ever be tempted to travel back to that foreign land, such feelings quickly pass when I come across some of the dodgy stuff again (recent discussions on a certain email forum being a case in point). With the knowledge and distance created by my history and journey, such clap-trap seems so completely ludicrous. To question something and be greeted with the response of "you seem scared" and "why are you denying God’s goodness" and so forth is just so strange and alien to me now. How does anyone fall for this stuff?

It’s beyond me.

Or more to the point perhaps, it’s behind me…and for that I’m truly thankful.