Saturday, January 29, 2005

I Predict a Riot

Well today’s blog entry should have been a glowing review of the NME Tour gig featuring the absolutely stunning line-up of Kaiser Chiefs, Bloc Party, Futureheads and The Killers.

It’s hard to imagine a line-up I would be more looking forward to seeing and reviews from the early dates of the tour suggest it will be an absolute riot of a night.

There’s one very large fly in the ointment though – I’m supposed to be going with Stewart.

After stressing all day and some very sage advice from Ali, I ring him to say I don’t think I can do this ‘friends’ thing. I’m too angry with him for what he’s done and every text, email or phone call just winds me up and gets me upset again.

Maybe I should be a better person and be able to make this easy for him, but I just can’t. Maybe if I was feeling physically well, I’d have more strength to deal with it all, but right now I can’t stand the thought of being in the same space as him. I can’t manage the fake smile and small talk that will be needed to get through the night.

The last thing I want is to ruin the night for him by getting upset at him and right now I can’t see a way that that is not going to happen.

He offers to not go, so that I can, but however much I want to go to the gig, I know Stewart wants to go as much if not more. I need to think about what I need, but I don’t want to be a complete cow in the process.

After talking it over with Phil, I come to a decision. I can’t do this ‘friends’ thing. Not yet at least.

I text Stewart to ask him to sell my ticket (shouldn’t be a problem they were apparently changing hands for £200 in Newcastle the other night!) and to stop contacting me in any way.

1 hour later he replies trying to persuade me into a different course of action. Part of me wants to scream “what bit of don’t text me ever again, was so hard to understand” and part of me knows he’s feeling guilty and trying to be ‘nice’. But enough. This ends now. It has to.

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