Tuesday, May 18, 2004

Tough times

Today was an emotional rollercoaster.

This morning I had the words "don't worry it's definitely benign" uttered to me by a Consultant at MRI. Not a big drama as I had no major fears that this strange cyst thing I have was anything too sinister, but always good to have your GPs opinion confirmed.

Basically I'm left with the choice of whether I continue to ignore it or go for a minor op. Somehow even 20mins under general anaesthetic seems a daunting prospect and brings back horrendous memories of what happened last time a member of my family had an op. And so it turns out I'm an emotional wimp and end up blubbing in the car before driving into work. For once the long commute is a blessing as it means my eyes are almost devoid of pink before I have to do the "grown-up responsible professional" act...

This evening it all gets put into perspective as I get a frightened text message from a friend who has been unexpectedly admitted to hospital, saying she needs to speak to me now. Nearly an hour of frantic phone calls later, I eventually get to speak to her. Things are not good and I can hardly understand half of what she says because of the tears. My friend is frightened and alone and I'm at the other end of the country impotent to do anything. All I can do is tell her she's loved and try to calm her a bit. It isn't enough.

Anger wells in me that she is having to go through it. Yet one more thing. Doesn't she deserve a break...I know it doesn't work like that, but that's hard to remember right now.

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