Sunday, March 13, 2005

What lurks beneath...

As I arrive at Phil and Sarah’s, they are in the process of refilling the fridge-freezer that has been scrubbed within an inch of its life. They’re the first to admit that the defrosting and cleaning was well overdue and the cleaning cloths and the ice-block of titanic-sinking proportions that lie in the sink bear witness.

The tales of what was found ‘growing’ in the broken seals did nothing to improve my appetite, but even that was as nothing to the sight of four wet, slimy, black slug-like items siting on a plate on the working surface.

My first guess was that these were rancid prunes that had been found down the back of the salad drawer, but I’m far from the truth. These, it transpires, are what remains of the Army and Navy tablets that Sarah and I bought for Phil in Hawes at New Year.

Even in their prime (see above) these tablets are possibly one of the grossest inventions known to humankind (think Fisherman’s Friends and multiple by 1000). Trust me however when I say that being left in a coat pocket until they go slimy and stick to their paper bag, followed by being stuck in the freezer for a few months and then removed and washed in hot water, does nothing to improve them.

Of course the question I wish I hadn’t asked was “but why are they now on a plate?”. Phil answered by simply popping one of the slugs in his mouth.

The fact that I managed to eat the tea they had prepared, after this incident, is no small testament to my ability to be a polite guest.

After tea, Sarah and I head off to see Hitch at the cinema. Phil scorns us for paying to see such Hollywood commercial nonsense, but hey, like I’m taking any notice of his views on matters right now!

It’s a watchable enough film; light and enjoyable. If you fancy a bit of good old Holywood feel-good fluff, you could do a lot worse than this.

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