Fijiian Savagery

I have to thank Steve L for this fantastically savage Guardian Review of Celebrity Love Island.

A quick snippet to whet your appetite:

Rebecca Loos, the woodpecker-faced Posh-botherer who was presumably hired on the understanding that anyone who's previously masturbated a pig on television might be prepared to stoop slightly lower and perform the same act on ex-Hollyoaks actor Paul Danan.

Sob for Danan, who is a bell end of considerable magnitude, and the ugliest person on the island - ugly in a unique fashion, like a man whose face was heading toward "handsome", but took a wrong turn at the last minute. He looks like Jude Law crossed with the Crazy Frog, and he's an absolute aching backside. The only way the producers could possibly justify his presence would be to spike his cocktails till he goes mad and has sex with a melon or something.

Sadly for Chrlie Brooker, I fear his review of car-crash telly is just so good it kind of makes me want to tune in again...